Understanding Anxiety in Primary and Kindergarten Children

Definition of Anxiety in Young Children

Anxiety in young children is a natural emotional response to stress or uncertainty. It often manifests as excessive worry, fear, or nervousness that affects their thoughts, emotions, and behavior. While some anxiety is normal, persistent or intense fear that interferes with a child’s daily activities may indicate an anxiety disorder.

How Teachers and Parents Can Spot Anxiety in Young Children

Anxiety in young children often looks different from that in older children or adults. It may not always be expressed through words, as young children might struggle to articulate their feelings. Instead, their anxiety might be seen through their behavior, emotions, and physical symptoms.

1. Behavioral Signs:

• Avoidance: A child may refuse to participate in activities, avoid social interactions, or resist new situations.
• Clinginess: Excessive attachment to parents, caregivers, or teachers, especially in new or challenging situations.
• Frequent Meltdowns: Emotional outbursts when faced with minor frustrations, transitions, or unexpected changes.
• Perfectionism: Fear of making mistakes, getting things wrong, or disappointing others.
• Procrastination: Avoiding tasks, especially those they fear they won’t do perfectly.
• Repetitive Behaviors: Repeating questions for reassurance or engaging in compulsive habits (e.g., tapping, hand-washing, organizing objects in a specific way).

2. Emotional Signs:

• Excessive Worry: Frequently expressing fears about school, social situations, or family.
• Irritability or Mood Swings: Anxiety can cause frustration, sadness, or unexplained emotional shifts.
• Fear of the Unknown: Intense concern about upcoming events, unfamiliar people, or unpredictable situations.
• Low Confidence: A lack of belief in their abilities, needing constant validation, or being overly self-critical.

3. Physical Signs:

• Frequent Complaints of Illness: Stomachaches, headaches, dizziness, or nausea without a clear medical cause.
• Tiredness and Sleep Issues: Difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, waking up frequently, or feeling exhausted during the day.
• Restlessness or Fidgeting: Constant movement, trouble staying still, or fidgeting with hands, clothing, or objects.
• Changes in Appetite: Eating too little or too much, or avoiding meals due to nervousness.

When to Be Concerned

While occasional anxiety is normal, persistent symptoms that interfere with a child’s ability to enjoy school, social interactions, or daily activities may indicate an anxiety disorder. If anxiety disrupts their daily life, professional support from a school counselor, psychologist, or pediatrician may be necessary. 

Examples of Fear of Answering in School

1. Avoiding Eye Contact & Looking Down
   • When the teacher asks a question, the child avoids looking up, hoping they won’t be called on.
2. Whispering or Not Speaking at All
   • The child may only whisper answers when directly asked or refuse to speak even when they know the answer.
3. Freezing Up & Silent Panic
   • They might open their mouth to speak but struggle to get words out, feeling paralyzed by anxiety.
4. Over-Reliance on Peers
   • Instead of answering, the child looks at their friends or whispers the answer to a friend to say aloud.
5. Frequent “I Don’t Know” Responses
   • Even when they understand, they default to saying “I don’t know” to avoid speaking publicly.
6. Sudden Physical Complaints
   • Before speaking activities, they may complain of headaches, stomach aches, or needing the toilet.
7. Refusing to Raise Their Hand
   • Even when they know the answer, they won’t volunteer due to fear of judgment.
8. Crying or Panic Attacks When Called On
   • If pressured to answer, they might tear up, shake, or completely shut down.
9. Excessive Preparation for Speaking Tasks
   • If required to present or read aloud, they might practice excessively at home, showing stress about making a mistake.
10. Speaking Comfortably at Home but Not at School

• They may be talkative at home but struggle to say a single word in class.

What Parents Can Do at Home to Help

✅ Normalize Small Mistakes

• Say things like, “Oops, I made a mistake! That’s okay, I’ll try again.” This shows them that errors aren’t scary.

✅ Practice Answering in a Low-Stress Environment

• Ask easy, everyday questions like “What’s your favorite color?” and let them build confidence in responding.

✅ Use Role-Playing

• Pretend to be the teacher and ask them questions in a playful way to help them get comfortable answering.

✅ Praise Effort, Not Just Speaking

• Instead of saying, “Good job speaking!” try, “I saw you thinking about your answer—great effort!”

✅ Start with Non-Verbal Participation

• If speaking is too hard, encourage them to answer with hand signals, thumbs up/down, or writing on a whiteboard first.

✅ Encourage “Small Steps” Participation

• Challenge them to answer one question per day in class, then gradually increase as they feel more confident.

✅ Talk to the Teacher

• Ask if the teacher can give the child a heads-up before calling on them or let them answer in pairs first.

✅ Help Them Find a “Safe” Classmate

• Pair them with a friend in class so they feel supported when participating in discussions.

✅ Teach Breathing Techniques

• Practice deep breathing exercises before school to help reduce anxiety.

✅ Avoid Forcing Them to Speak

• If they shut down, don’t push them; instead, help them work towards speaking at their own pace.

Supporting your child at home is crucial in helping them manage anxiety. Here are several strategies parents can implement:

Here are practical strategies for implementing the anxiety-reducing techniques at home:

1. Encourage Open Communication

How to do it:

• Use “Feelings Time” – Set aside 10–15 minutes daily for your child to talk about their day. Use prompts like:
  • “What was the best part of your day?”
  • “Was there anything that made you feel nervous today?”
• Validate Their Feelings – Instead of saying “Don’t worry about it,” try:
  • “I can see you’re feeling nervous. That makes sense! Let’s think of ways to handle it together.”
• Draw It Out – If your child struggles to talk, encourage them to draw their feelings. Ask questions about the drawing to explore their emotions

2. Establish Consistent Routines

How to do it:

• Create a Visual Schedule – Use pictures or a checklist to outline the daily routine. Place it somewhere visible, like the fridge.
• Have Predictable Morning & Night Routines – Keep wake-up, meal, and bedtime routines consistent. Example:
  • 🌞 Morning: Wake up → Brush teeth → Eat breakfast → Get dressed → Go to school
  • 🌙 Night: Dinner → Quiet playtime → Bath → Storytime → Bedtime
• Give Warnings Before Transitions – Use a timer or a countdown (e.g., “5 more minutes before we turn off the TV”).

3. Teach Relaxation Techniques

How to do it:

• Belly Breathing (Balloon Breath)
  • Place a stuffed animal on your child’s belly while they lie down. Have them breathe deeply to make the animal rise and fall.
• 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise (for overwhelming moments)
  • Ask your child to name:
    • 5 things they see
    • 4 things they feel
    • 3 things they hear
    • 2 things they smell
    • 1 thing they taste
• Bubble Blowing – Teach them to blow bubbles slowly. This encourages deep, calming breaths.

4. Model Calm Behavior

How to do it:

• Narrate Your Own Coping Strategies
  • “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”
• Avoid Overreacting to Their Anxiety
  • Instead of “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal!” try “I see this is really hard for you. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
• Practice Self-Care in Front of Them – Show them healthy stress management by exercising, journaling, or practicing mindfulness.

5. Encourage Gradual Exposure

How to do it:

• Create a Fear Ladder – List anxiety-inducing situations from easiest to hardest.
  • Example for fear of dogs:
    1️⃣ Look at a picture of a dog
    2️⃣ Watch a dog from a distance
    3️⃣ Stand near a friendly dog on a leash
    4️⃣ Pet a calm dog
• Use a Reward System – Praise their bravery with verbal encouragement or stickers.
  • “I saw you say ‘hi’ to the dog today! That was really brave.”

6. Limit Reassurance

How to do it:

• Instead of constantly saying “You’ll be fine!” try:
  • “What’s the worst that could happen?”
  • “If that happened, what could you do?”
  • “Remember the last time you were nervous, and everything turned out okay?”
• Use a Confidence Jar – Write small “I did it!” notes when your child overcomes a worry and read them together when anxiety arises.

7. Promote Physical Activity

How to do it:

• Go on Daily “Worry Walks” – Encourage movement by walking together and talking about their worries.
• Dance or Exercise Together – Play music and have a 5-minute dance break when anxiety is high.
• Try Yoga for Kids – Poses like “Child’s Pose” and “Butterfly Pose” help with relaxation

8. Monitor Media Consumption

How to do it:

• Set Screen Time Limits – Use parental controls or timers for TV and devices.
• Watch the News Together – If they see something upsetting, explain it in simple terms and reassure them.
• Encourage Alternative Activities – Replace screen time with board games, art, or outdoor play.

9. Praise Efforts, Not Just Outcomes

How to do it:

• Instead of “Good job!” try:
  • “I’m so proud of how you kept trying, even when it was hard!”
  • “You were really brave to try that new activity!”
• Create a “Bravery Board” – Hang up drawings, photos, or notes celebrating their accomplishments.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

How to do it:

• Track Symptoms – Keep a journal of anxious behaviors, triggers, and patterns.
• Find a Child Therapist – Look for professionals trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety.
• Talk to Their Teacher – Work with the school to develop a support plan if anxiety affects their learning.

Strategies for Teachers: Helping Anxious Students Answer in Class

When a child has anxiety about answering in class, teachers play a key role in creating a supportive environment that gradually builds confidence. Here are effective classroom strategies to help them participate without overwhelming pressure.

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1. Foster a Safe & Supportive Environment

🔹 Use Positive Language

• Avoid saying “You need to speak up!” Instead, say:
  • “It’s okay to take your time. We’d love to hear your thoughts when you’re ready.”

🔹 Normalize Mistakes

• Model making mistakes in class:
  • “Oops! I got that wrong, let’s try again.”
  • This helps students understand that mistakes are part of learning.

🔹 Use a Buddy System

• Pair them with a supportive classmate for partner discussions before whole-class participation.

🔹 Create a Class Culture of Encouragement

• Encourage classmates to clap or give a thumbs-up after students share answers.

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2. Gradual Exposure: Step-by-Step Participation

If answering out loud is too scary, ease them in with these steps:

✅ Step 1: Non-Verbal Responses

• Thumbs up/down (e.g., “Do you agree with this answer?”)
• Whiteboard answers (Students write and hold up responses)
• Exit tickets (Students answer on a sticky note before leaving)

✅ Step 2: Group or Pair Sharing

• Let them discuss answers in small groups before sharing with the class.
• “Think-Pair-Share” → Students think individually, discuss with a partner, then one of them shares.

✅ Step 3: Sentence Starters

• Give them sentence frames to ease verbal participation:
  • “I think the answer is ____ because ____.”
  • “One idea is ____.”

✅ Step 4: Pre-Warning Before Being Called On

• Tell them in advance: “I’d love for you to share your answer next.”
• This reduces the fear of being put on the spot.

✅ Step 5: Low-Pressure Answering

• Allow whispered responses or let them answer privately first before sharing.

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3. Reduce Pressure in Public Speaking

🔹 Offer Alternatives to Speaking Out Loud

• Let them record responses on a tablet, write an answer, or use a speech-to-text app.

🔹 Use Choral Responses

• Ask the whole class to answer together before calling on individuals.
• Example: “What’s 7 + 3? Everyone say it together!”

🔹 Assign ‘Easy First’ Questions

• Call on them for questions with clear, simple answers to build confidence before open-ended ones.

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4. Praise Effort, Not Just Speaking

🔹 Acknowledge Small Wins

• “I noticed you raised your hand today—amazing progress!”
• “I love that you wrote your answer down. You’re getting braver every day!”

🔹 Avoid Over-Praising for Speaking

• Instead of “Wow! You finally spoke!” say:
  • “Great thinking! You had such an interesting answer.”
  • This keeps the focus on their learning, not their anxiety.

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5. Communicate with Parents & School Support

🔹 Keep Parents Updated

• Share small wins (e.g., “She answered in a small group today!”) to keep motivation up.
• Ask parents about strategies that work at home for their child.

Resources: 

Supporting a Child with Anxiety – YoungMinds

Mental Health Resources for Parents – Mental Health America

Anxiety in Children – NHS

Learning to Help Your Child and Your Family – National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

What Every Child Needs for Good Mental Health – Mental Health America

Parents’ A-Z Mental Health Guide – YoungMinds

Youth Resources for Parents and Caregivers – Mental Health America

Parental Mental Health & Well-Being – U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

Anxiety Disorders in Children – NHS

Supporting Young Minds – Mental Health America